


Twelve Days Of Joker

by AngelicDuck



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Alfred Pennyworth is So Done, Bad Jokes, Bad Puns, Bane Lives (DCU), Batman References, Batman: Arkham Series (Video Games) Spoilers, Bisexual Harleen Quinzel, Bruce Wayne is Batman, Chubby Oswald Cobblepot, Crazy Harleen Quinzel, DC Comics References, Edward Nygma is the Riddler, Episode: s01e10-11 Two-Face Parts 1-2, Established Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Harley Quinn (Cartoon) Season/Series 01, Humor, I'm Bad At Tagging, Joker (DCU) Has Issues, M/M, Minor Joker (DCU)/Harleen Quinzel, POV Alfred Pennyworth, POV Pamela Isley, Pamela Isley Loves Harleen Quinzel, Parody, Possessive Oswald Cobblepot, Protective Oswald Cobblepot, Rachel Dawes Lives, Riddles, Ridiculous, Short One Shot, Silly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:14:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29653248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AngelicDuck/pseuds/AngelicDuck
Summary: Just a bunch of silly/ cozy up for good laugh One-shots of villians and heros!
Relationships: Joker (DCU)/Bruce Wayne, Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma, Pamela Isley & Harleen Quinzel, Rachel Dawes/Harvey Dent
Kudos: 3





	1. One Sexy Billionaire!

Alfred's POV

Walking up flights of stairs with a full tray of tea, why I might as well be doing a suicide mission all over again. Master Bruce did insist waking him up with his favorite 'exotic' tea...But, he is going to have chamomile and enjoy it!

Making me climb three flights of stairs in my old age just to wake his blood arse up in time! I have things to do too! Like Planning for this charity ball, go to the store and pick up more black tea. We ran out recently...Dust the whole house seven times, vacuum all eleven rooms on top of making breakfast lunch and dinner!

Master Bruce better be ready for the charity event, instead of getting ready to fight crime. He always put his Batman suit before Bruce Wayne's, Causing trouble even in your thirties. If you only knew Master Bruce if you only knew.

Upon walking in the master bedroom, I find him fast asleep. Sighing in defeat I make my way to the blackout curtains, yanking on a cord the sun encases the room slowly stirring Master Bruce up from his peaceful slumber. "What time is it Alfred?" his deep groggy voice still reminds me of a time when he was sick, you are still a kid to me Bruce. "Eight o'clock sir." His nodding only makes me wonder if crime fighting is on his agenda. "Oh, good then I can call Commissioner Gordon!" I swear my eye twitches each time he mentions Batman duties,

"Sir I believe Batman must wait for later, Bruce Wayne is needed for his annual charity ball." His confused expression is all I need to confirm his reluctance, "Alfred there's more important things than hosting a charity ball, besides I'm a billionaire! I could send those charities checks instead."

He waved his hand dismissively, that is when I knew, he needed the lecture. "Master Bruce you of all should know what it's like to spend Christmas with no hope, no magic! These families need hope and magic in these tough times! Especially when The Joker escapes to ruin them. Yes, the world needs Batman, but they also need Bruce Wayne." Turning on my heel I leave the room, only to walk back down the many flights of stairs.

Today's going to be a long day...

\----------------Time Skipper------------------

After calling hundreds of people, I sit down ready to enjoy my own cup of tea. That is before Master Bruce's screaming destroys it. "ALFRED!!!" Sighing I make my way to the damsel in distress. "ALFRED!!! HELP!!" trudging up the stairs, I soon find Master Bruce in a towel shaking like a frightened child.

"What seems to be the trouble sir?" he scoffs before elaborating, "Alfred there is a picture of a freaking clown in there!" flabbergasted at what he's implying he soon continues "Bruce Wayne hates clowns!" his exasperated expression only makes me raise a brow "Sir if I may you've fought The Joker..." his slight eye roll confuses me even more "Alfred, Batman's not scared of anything that's why he fought The Joker!" sighing in defeat I walk in snatching up the photo before exiting the room "It's all clear." His sudden smile makes me falter before I go back down to enjoy my much-needed break."Clowns...Of all the things..." it takes me a moment to notice a hidden message messily scribbled on the photo.

'I'm coming for you Mr. Wayne! I hope Batsy shows up too! Puddin, we are writing a warnin... Don't cha think adding batman into the note could cause trouble? Harely! Look what you did! You wrote on My side! How many times do I have to tell you! Left write on the left side! Ugh! Sorry Puddin... With lots of love -The Joker' Seems they messed up on the writing quite a bit. No matter... the GCPD will handle this, not Batman.

\-----------Time Skipper------------------

Everything was perfect, all the guests had arrived drinking and chatting amongst themselves, Master Bruce just needed to show up and give his heartfelt speech. As if on cue he came on to the stage nodding before speaking.

"Welcome everyone! It means the world to me that we all can contribute to this event, I can see it now...Children spending time with friends and family, laughing on Christmas day... Just to find the magic it holds and that bit of hope for a better day."

Seems the press enjoyed that. In my peripheral gaze I see Vikki Vale, the famous reporter scribbling things down in a notepad. Master Wayne's voice seemed to catch everyone's attention "That is what I want for these families...Something I never got as a kid, waking up on Christmas day was never the same for me after their death, no joyous encounter's, no laughter, not even magic seemed to be real anymore.... Sure, my butler Alfred was there, even if he just stuck around for my money..." If I were ever in it for the money, I would never stick around Master Wayne.... No money is worth this kind of job....

"These kids deserve to feel happy and not feel as though their heart is being ripped out watching in horror as their own family withers away from them!" Oh, heavens not again.... Making my way towards the stage I cannot help but cringe as the mood slowly depletes

"They don't deserve to have a complete stranger shoot their family and steal things from their corpses!" Please sir just stop before you're ahead... "Listen whoever you have in your life, whether it's your grandma grandpa and even a father figure.... or your parents...Excuse me...." Finally, on the stage Master Bruce snaps his fingers before I can stop him.

Taking out the small pack of tissues he dabs one against his eyes before continuing. "Just always know they're never far from death.... I'm sorry..." This cannot get any worse...

Men in clown masks soon barge in, The Joker being in the middle of it all as his lips curl into a satisfactory smile. Harley Quinn on the other hand comes in doing a somersault over to a group of people asking for their wallets. Master Wayne's loud sobbing stopping everyone in their tracks, Jokers face twists into an unpleasant scowl, for the first time in my career I do not blame him for making such a face.

Motioning his gun towards Master Wayne "Who invited the cry baby?" Gasps were buzzing as Harley whispered in The Jokers ear probably learning that the 'Cry baby' is Master Wayne. The loud whisper only confirmed my suspicions "That's Bruce Wayne?" Harley nods her head while Joker turns around scratching the back of his head.

His sudden announcement catching everyone off guard. "This is going to be no fun if the guys crying!" he stalks over towards a woman while pointing his gun at her questionably "I mean why gush over some bizillionaire who's practically balling like some lost child..."

Slowly making his way up on the stage he pokes Master Wayne in the side. I can only watch in horror at what his next words were.

"What happened to you anyway? Mommy go slit her wrists. While Daddy beat you to a pulp?" his malicious smirk soon turned to a complete frown when someone shouted, 'his parents were murdered!' With the click of his tongue, he mutters under his breath "of course they were..." Turning his attention to the audience he exclaims "Okay everyone, Since I'm feeling generous why don't we all go down to my amusement park so we can leave this self-pitying party pooper and have some real fun!"

all of Joker's men leave as he walks out the car screeching soon relaxing everyone. Small side steps were not unnoticed as some left the manor probably deciding to have the fun joker promised.

That all stopped as Master Wayne questioned the lot trying to escape "You're all leaving me?" Many dashed for the escape others shifted uncomfortably Master Wayne's sobbing soon turned to jealous anger "Fine leave! I have My butler Alfred anyway!" Shuddering at how the rest of the night will be, I cannot help but pray for a miracle to get me out of this mess....


	2. Two-Faces Of Harvey!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harvey Dent gots a date!

Havey's POV

With a flip of a coin anything can happen, like winning a court case or getting that piece of kernel out of your teeth. Yup anything can happen...That is why when I got the match notification after the span of several months of setting up an account, I could not help but respond to the lovely lady named Rachel Dawes. Setting a time and date was no problem, the problem was getting ready for said date.

Sighing, I decided to pick out an outfit. Normal ...or different? Maybe Ed could help...With a quick speed dial to Riddler and a few rings he answered. "Riddle me this-" Oh no not one of his stupid riddles.... "Edward I'm not in the mood, I need help on how to look good." A long pause indued till he broke it "Harvey I mean this in the nicest way...But what do you mean by look good?" I could have gone on a long rant about how insensitive that comment was and the injustice on his part of the case. But considering The Joker has made worse comments I let it slide.

"I'm going on a date and I want to impress Rachel." Was my simple reply, Riddler's 'Oh' then silence slowly suffocated me, till he spoke up of course. His 'suggestion' left me gawking at his contact picture for a good ten minutes. "Harvey I may be smart and clever..." I really wanted to say 'until batman shows you up' but resigned for the simple 'mhm' "But what you need to seek is a man with a crazy smile..." Everything else he said was white noise as I dreaded what he was getting at. "Joker? You want me. To talk to The Joker?!" Riddler's exasperated sigh only brought more misery "Listen Harv, he's crazy, unpredictable even! But he made a freaking psychiatrist into a damn criminal!"

I couldn't help but scoff at his justifiable reasons "Please Ed the only reason she turned rogue was because she loved him! He did nothing but sit back and laugh at Quinn." He was quick to rebut "Okay, okay... But he made Bruce Wayne jealous!" Pinching the bridge of my nose I reluctantly ask, "How the hell did he make Bruce Wayne Jealous?!" More silence follows that is till a longer sigh before the last dripped out of the speaker "I may hate the guy Harvey, But I have to give him some credit. The man knows what he's doing..." Joker. Knows what he is doing. The clown prince of crime? The harlequin of hate, the ace of knaves?! Knows what he is doing!?"Ed, they call him the jester of genocide for a reason...." Some shuffling is heard as Riddler yells out 'Hey!' next thing I know a very familiar accent is heard

"Listen Harvey! Me and Edward are on date night, so get yer damn problem solved before I go over there and shove this umbrella so far up your-"

-Beeeeep-

Okay new plan, who else has style but does not drive me completely bonkers as them.... Bane? But he is more brute than style...Maybe Scarecrow? Four rings in till he finally answers "Harvey, what's up?" his demonic voice still throws me off "Hey Jonathan, not much...What about you?" Screams of bloody murder along with the faint yell of 'get it off me' tells me exactly what he is up to. "Well, I'm taking this new compound and-" More screaming follows before he can finish "Listen Harv I got to go, Batman will be here any minute and-" I cut him off "No it's okay...Uh, go get that vigilante!" We share a moment of awkward laughter till the soft beep resonates.

That...WAS SO AWKWARD! Maybe good old fashioned Mad Hatter? Five rings and then a voice mail "Can't answer in wonderland but remember the rabbit is in the hole!" Real classy Tetch...

Wait a minute why haven't I thought of him sooner!

"Basil! My man, it's been awhile." It is so quiet I swear there are crickets. "Two-face...after weeks of silence you decide now! To patch things up?!" Shoot! What did I do to him? "Hey now Basil, we can work something out. I mean we both have the word 'face' in our criminal names" He practically seethed out "You stole the face thing from me! Now everyone just associates face with you! No one ever thinks how I am?! Might as well put me in with the forgettables, like Polka dot man, and fucking Condiment King!" Oh boy... "Hey, Condiment King makes the best burgers though! So, He's not as forgettable..." a loud scream and then another soft beep.

That could have gone better...What time is it? Looking down at my watch the number 4:50 blinks profusely well that just leaves me with three hours to get ready...And the only person I know who can get ready in that small amount of time is .... Dare I even say?

The Joker

A small pep talk in the mirror and I dial the clown's number, he answers my call almost immediately. "Ah~ Harvey! It's been a while, you must be desperate for a facial" abrupt bone chilling laughter ran through my skull "Joker-" he shushes me before announcing every so curtly "Please Harv we've known each other for so long call me Mr. J" This clown.... Forcing the words out was like choking on a sip of water "Mr. J.... I need your assistance....I have a date-" Loud giggling erupted catching me off guard for a split second but that's all he needs to interrupt "A date?~ Why Mr. Lawyer pants color me impressed! What is the Broads name? Betty? Lucy? Rachel..." My blood ran cold as I stuttered the question "H-How d-did you know?" Fits of laughter followed till he finally answered, "Oh don't get your panties in a twist Harv I was simply playing around~ Besides I hacked your dating account and saw the match your reaction only made things clearer."

His simple mind games can have you in relief or in eternal anguish, he strikes up a deal "Ya know what Harvey Just for being a good old sport I'll help you out! But in exchange you owe me a favor~" he sang the last part. Too bad for him I do not do 'favors' especially ones with The Joker, every known villain in Gotham knows not to owe favors towards the clown. Those who do are either found in a ditch or are killed in the most miraculous way.

"I maybe desperate but I'm not stupid" next thing I know his whole mood and tone changes alarmingly Fast "Deal.... Or No Deal?" Pondering on the matter was no option as the words left my mouth "Deal."

\--------Time Skip-----------------------

When Joker finally arrived, his entrance was made by breaking my apartment door, he scans the place till he stalks off into the bedroom. Before I can follow him, Harley comes rushing in with labeled boxes with the words 'Candles and roses, In the mood/kinks, and dinner prep' I can only imagine what they have in store. Lost in the chaos of it all, Joker's threat being whispered in my ear 'Don't forget...' seemed far good enough to break my trace. His sharp turn of the heel and a snap of his fingers brings all his goons crowding in. "Listen up boys! My dear friend Harvey needs this place looking good along with his two- selves, he has an important date after all~" more laughter is followed. An hour and a half were more than what I needed with Joker chilling on my couch along with his presence, when Harley was finally done doing who knows what in the kitchen. He finally left his words echoed through my head for a good minute 'Don't forget' Like in hell I would ever forget!

A soft knock broke my fit of rage and was replaced with nervousness, when I finally opened the door a beautiful brunette stood in my doorway. Her hair was up, and delicate strands seemed to be tucked away neatly as her manicured nails clutched to a teal purse matching her long sequin dress showing off her curves in all the right ways. Her brilliant blue eyes darted every way till landing on me, my breath caught in my throat as half her face was scared too. Her shy glossy smile gave me butterflies, stepping to the side I invited her in.

Santa did listen to what I wished for...


	3. Three Unsolvable Riddles!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The riddler is stumped! By non other then harley quin?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter very rare enjoy!
> 
> Nymblepot happens :P

Riddler's POV

I was completing the daily crossword puzzles from the Gotham gazette, waiting for my sugar free coffee to be done heating up. The red coffee maker taunting me as some guy beat me to the last green one, Black Friday sales really do suck... Though it may be time to get a new coffee maker, one that is green preferably .... But then all the evil meetings would take place at my hideout, and then Bane would eat all my snacks again! Just the thought of that overly muscled brute working with Oswald never sits right with me. It's like he's laughing at me thinking he outsmarted me! Oh, how he's miserably mistaken nobody can outsmart me, I'm the Riddler for god's sake! Sure, the guy can get the job done, but I could help so much more! The soft ding of the coffee maker brought me out of my transfix at hand... Why even batman should probably drink this stuff with that damn poker face of his. Surely, he got a little perplexed by my last escapade! World's greatest detective, Ha! He could believe that when he solves all my riddles in the Arkham series.

Two sips of my coffee and the damn phone rings, when can a guy just enjoy a cup of sugar free coffee! One zero one? Wait that number, the sequence could only be one villain!

"Hiya Mistah! Been a while aint it? This is Harley by the way-" with a press of a button her terrible accent is no more. How can Joker even handle hearing that accent and the pronouncing of words?! It's 'Hi Mister, It's been awhile hasn't it?' That would be no problem for an ex-psychiatrist to say. But NOOO! That woman needs to talk in that infuriating voice! "HEY! Bucko! I know you're there! Pick up ya darn phone, I got minutes spending every second! Mister J's not gonna be pleased if his wallets empty."

"That's not my problem now is it Ms. Quinzel?"

"It might already be if ya keep usin that attitude." I can just picture her crossing her arms all smugly in that damn red and black suit! "Ms. Quinn please enlighten me on why you're calling at-" Looking for my clock the white numbers blink three o'clock "Three o'clock in the morning?" a pause rolls out and the small brink of hope that her minutes ran out. Of course, that came crashing down in a matter of second "I gotcha riddle" the dread seeping out of me to possibly hear one of Jokers child play riddles made me want to take the nearest object, being my question marked coffee mug. Hitting my skull so hard I fall out of the five-story window soon having a full hit collision with a truck going at max speed, then when they have a funeral, I will be incinerated having my ashes blow into the air to never be seen again or suffer from another terrible riddle. The only problem is it would be a four-point six chance of that ever happening. The option was very tempting at times, but I always reframed from it. "What's the riddle?"

"It goes like this, 'who has green hair and laughs all the time?' Betcha can't guess it!"

"Please Ms. Quin don't insult me I know the answer, It's very simple the answer is-"

"the answah is?" No, no, no, no....I know the answer it's-

"Helloooo! What's the answah Mistah!"

"Oh, deary me somethings come up, goodbye Ms. Quinzel"

-Click-

I am simply tired, that must be it, I can solve any riddle! Sleep, that is what I need then I can call her up and show her! Walking into the dim green lit room, soon making myself comfortable against the cotton sheets letting the world of dreams take over.

-Riddler's Dream-

Voices are yelling and puzzle pieced floors against fluffy clouds are not helping to sooth the chaos. A giant umbrella appeared, and the all too familiar top hat stood out against the yelling as the penguin scooped them up and swallowed them whole like fish "Aye! Edward, I cut Bane off my team, now we can commit crimes together!" tears formed as I took hold of those flippers as we danced in circles happily. "Oh, Pengy! Let us be like this forever!" I squeeze my fellow accomplice tight. A loud ringing breaks the puzzled floors as penguin falls first into the dark abyss, "Nooooo! PENGY!!"

-End of Riddler's Dream-

A cold sweat is what I awoke in, my heart hammering against my chest as the sun filled my room, the phone ringing nonstop was the only setback why I could not shower first. Without looking at who was calling I picked up the phone "Hello?" The deep British accent stopping me in my tracks as his light chuckle does odd things to my stomach. "Hello Edward" God the things this man does at just saying my name so casually almost like I am being buttered for his feast. I must be cool! Uh, OH! I know! "Fun fact about Penguins, like humans, bonding is important for penguins. Males in each species have their own way of attracting females"

"Edward I-"

"But King penguins indulge themselves and their partners in music by singing long songs with partners,"

"Eddie I- "

"The Gentoo male penguin brings pebbles to female as a form of gift. Pretty neat!"

"Yeah, um anyway Edward-"

"You think so? Well, here's another one for you king penguin, contrary to childhood beliefs penguins don't actually break out in real song or dance unlike certain classic movies or shows"

"Edward I need to-"

"In fact, they do their own performance of song and dance in another language. Fascinating stuff no?"

"Yes, yes anyway I need you-"

"Glad I could share some of my knowledge with you Oswald, anyway what did you need?"

"You know what I can't seem to remember, talk to you later Eddie"

"Oh, okay Oswald goodbye...."

-Click-

I messed up.... Severely, God! Why do I always have to give him those stupid facts?! No wonder he picked Bane! Walking towards the bathroom, turning on the hot water before hopping in to take a much-needed shower.

\-------- ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)Time skipper because Riddler needs his privacy! ( ͡ಥ ͜ʖ ͡ಥ)---------

That darn phone, what is it? Annoy Riddler day?! Begrudgingly I pick it up. "Riddle me this-"

"Edward I'm not in the mood, I need help on how to look good." Two-face? Wanting to look good now that is intriguing, "Harvey I mean this in the nicest way...But what do you mean by look good?"

"I'm going on a date and I want to impress Rachel."

"Oh" now that explains a lot. "Harvey I may be smart and clever..."

"Mhm" I know what that mhm meant Harvey! I can't believe I'm saying this "But what you need to seek is a man with a crazy smile..."

"Joker? You want me. To talk to The Joker?!"

Oh my god doesn't he get it? "Listen Harv, he's crazy, unpredictable even! But he made a freaking psychiatrist into a damn criminal!" who's haunting me with her damn riddles!

"Please Ed the only reason she turned rogue was because she loved him! He did nothing but sit back and laugh at Quinn." That maybe be true...

"Okay, okay... But he made Bruce Wayne jealous!" Which says a lot when you think about it Harv...

"How the hell did he make Bruce Wayne Jealous?!" This guy is going to be the death of me! "I may hate the guy Harvey, But I have to give him some credit. The man knows what he's doing..." God just admitting that makes me cringe!

"Ed, they call him the jester of genocide for a reason...." Oh, Harvey if you only knew...Next thing I know a beefy hand snatches my phone "Hey!" Penguins smirk made my protests stop all together at his presence and the lovely surprise of wine in hand.

"Listen Harvey! Me and Edward are on date night, so get yer damn problem solved before I go over there and shove this umbrella so far up your arse!" I could only gawk at the man as he sat down grumbling trying to light up a cigar, asking the question that gnawed at me. I reach for the lighter on the coffee table "Oswald what brings you here?" Once lit he takes a long drag before blowing the smoke over my face making me grimace at the action "Oh, Eddie I'm sure as someone as smart as you can figure that much out." His chuckling made me blush as I wrap my brain around for clues. "You came here because you remembered what you were going to say." He chuckles once more before opening the bottle of wine taking a swig of it before licking his lips announcing, "Smart one you are Eddie, but that's not all...I came here because you are maybe aloof at times and not always bright, I need you in my heist but not only that my friend." He needs me in the heist...? TAKE THAT BANE! HA!

"What else can I assist you with Oswald?" his sideways smile warmed my heart as he pointed the cigar in my direction. "Sing with me like real penguins do" I could die happy! "O-Oswald I never thought you'd ask."

Oswald: "It's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do! Hey baby, I think I wanna marry you!"

Edward: "Is it the look in your eyes? Or is it this dancing juice?"

Oswald: "Who cares baby! I think I wanna marry you~"

Edward: "Well I know this little chapel on the boulevard we can go~ No one will know~ Oh come on Pengy!"

Oswald: "Who cares if we're trashed got a pocket full of cash! We can blow~ Shots of patron~"

Edward: "And it's on boy~"

Oswald: "Don't say no, no, no, no-no! Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah!"

Edward: "And we'll go, go, go, go-go! If you're ready~?"

Oswald: "like I'm ready!"

Edward: "Cause it's a beautiful night~ We're looking for something dumb to do! Hey baby!?

Oswald: "I think I wanna marry you~"

Edward: "Is it the look in your eyes? Or is it this dancing juice?"

Oswald: "Who cares baby! I think I wanna marry you~"

Edward: "I'll go get a ring let the choir bells sing like ooo~"

Oswald: "So whatcha wanna do?"

Edward: "Let's just run boy~"

Oswald: "If we wake up and you wanna break up that's cool~

Edward: "No, I won't blame you~"

Both: "It was fun boy~"

Both: "Don't say no, no, no, no-no! Just say yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-yeah! And we'll go, go, go, go-go! If you're ready, like I'm ready!"

The twirls, the dancing, and the shared laughs was all to beautiful. I almost completely forgot about that darn riddle, being snuggled on the couch with pengy was amazing! "Oswald?" He hummed in response brushing my hair affectionately. "Can you help me with something?" Oswald raised a questioning brow before a soft smile stretched out his blue eyes gleaming as he said, "Of course my love~" a chaste kiss was placed on the crown of my head, "Well, Harley called and she gave me a riddle..." he took a long drag of his cigar before breathing out an 'okay' "And well I know the answer to the riddle I just want to see if you do?" his perplexed expression and the statement that followed "Eddie my love I'm not too big on riddles but I'll humor yah"

"Okay the riddle goes like this" he thought for a long while before he spoke "Honestly Edward I'm lost on this one, what is the answer anyway?" Okay Nigma you can tell him the awful truth, or you can play it off being like 'teehee it's a surprise'...Obviously the latter one is the winner "Oh, my fine feathered lover. That is a secret~" his little grumbles of protest were too adorable to ignore, oh Edward what have you done...

The past weeks were chaotic as I still could not figure it out, Oswald helped being a distraction from losing my mind completely to the heinous unsolvable riddle. But when he would leave my mind would plague me with the damn thing luckily, I survived for the big heist. We were recruiting goons to drop the military weapons off at the buyer's house.

"Alright, yer scoundrels me and Riddler here are gonna pick you like the meat yah are! So impress us enough so yah get a chance to get paid millions!" they all mouth watered at the mention of millions but knowing pengy he'd give them less than millions, poor stupid souls.

'Who has green hair and laughs all the time?' That damn riddle! Shoving my hands into my pants pockets I decide to follow Oswald that is before some potential goon read the riddle out loud mind you!

"Who has green hair and laughs all the time? Funny the answer is The Joker" his New Jersey accent made it even more unbelievable, that a simple man like this low life goon could solve the unsolvable?! And worse of all pengy seemed to have a light bulb glow above his head as he nodded to consider such an answer! Snatching the piece of paper out of the man's hands I let all that pent up rage flow out "NO IT'S NOT! THAT'S NOT THE ANSWER! YOU THINK A LOW LIFE SUCH AS YOURSELF COULD EVEN FATHOM SUCH AN ANSWER SO QUICK AND BOLDLY DARE I SAY! 'WHO HAS GREEN HAIR AND LAUGHS ALL THE TIME?! THE ANSWER IS!" THE JOKER! THAT FIEND OF A WOMAN! THAT DAMN HENCHMAN OF HIS! SHE WILL PAY! The action was quick and flawless as I shot the man, no way in hell was there going to be a man who outsmarted me in a riddle! I would have to explain later to Oswald what that outburst was about, but for now we celebrate!

Merry Christmas to me...I can finally sleep at night!


End file.
